Leglos haz da ring
by iRanNoodle
Summary: pl pl p z red mah story. legos is da best hero evar. frodo is a wimp. red red red redred ! tel me who shud be da gf of legos ? i wana noe. al movi stuf. no buk.
1. Book 1: Chapter 1

_AU I LUV DA HOVIT ND LOTR. I NEDD TO MAKE A FF CUS I 33_

_ENGOY_

_LEGOLES STORYYYY YEAHHHHHH_

**_Edit:_ If you want proper grammar, then skip to Book 2! ;)**

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><p><em>CH 1<em>

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><p>legoli wass wlkin to da fpckin pub. he sw a hore nd stol it. he montd the hore nd wennt to da focking pub agaiinn cus he liek da beer<p>

fuk u legolad ! i want my dan hors bak ! sad teh oter dud. (he ond da hore)

MOTERFUCKAAHHHH i do it fpr ribontel. sed legoas

legoas gicve da finge to da old hore man nd go bye bye. omgomgong ledfn iz a fuzinn hotay ! his dam blndie hair go evryhere nd elv ladyes say yeah! u so hoooootttt legosl waz go t ridenbel cus he want sav da fockin day his dada hed da neus nd sad to legodd

_u ned togp son cus da ring is baddd. k ?_

_yeah dad. i go now._

_they hugd._

_dad sed bey nd gsp in teror whe legoles amlsot hit by orc erro. orc ded naw._

MUTHAFOCKEWRS HERE I FOCKID CO ME! legoosd hors ded nd he nede neu hore. dat why he go stol from da dud he flip his finer of.

her i am. sed legold. he mad it to rbonfel ! elrnd soooo hapyyyyyyyyyyyyy. gmli sed he hte deh elhhhhs but ddah legjei luk hott.

gmi is gayyuy and i not. legolis bsh his lazes at da elf ladys. he go by.

legoli go da tabl nd sit don near aragn. dey tel old frt stores. whhy da evl wring is on da stony tang ? ho dese smll ppl ? argon sed tey hobitz.

hobits? what da fok. sed legols

blk har hoit com to da stone too drop da ring of EVILLL. dat ring nedz to go mtn dum.

U MOTHERFUCKARS GET YO FOKIN SETS NAWWWWWWWWWW shawt gandlf. IF WE NO GO MTN DUM DEN WE SHAL NOT DEFET DA DRK LAD.

k sed evryun

dey al kait. legoli hore winy cus legoli stoopid. no go hore stabl sed legoli.

hors poopie.

everyun luk at da hottie. (yeh dat blonde legalsi)

sosie peeps. pec ot bros. sed leglosd.

servnt scop poopie away

duds! sed dat elfi riivendel lord. we mus detry da ring. on of u must go!

i wil go sed drk hbit.

nooooo sed legoli. i ned to be da hero.

k. sed hhbit.

legi grb da ring.

he go on his poopie hore and hed to da mtns cus he ned to destyo da ring.

everyun star at elff hot dud as he go to gatos and lef.

wen legos go to da fores he see da orcies.

DIEEEE YOU STINKEH DED THINGS THAT WERE MY FRNDS ONCE ! sed legos

LEGOS SLASH/

LOEGOS HIT

LOEOGOS kill kill kill kill jil all de orcies.

orc boodi all ovah da floor

legoli go to da rivr.

legoli almos dron but da elff smrt. he strng tooooo.

DIE DIE DIE DIE he des to da birdies. he hungreh naw.

arow hit al de brdie. he sel de rest ti nice pehsent fam. FAM hav bebe nd dad ndd moma. 3 3 3

now legoes hhax moneh.

he wlk to da mtns

wlk is boring

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legolis see mai elf ldies. dat nigjt many babes wer mad.

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loegles go. he red da

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BOOK ! he gsped. da book waz gret.

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LWGOES NEXT DAY MET MOR LEDIE. MANY BABES MAD DA NIHT

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lEGOLA GO SEE DA MTNS.

DAMN HE SED. THS IS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

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walk.

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thr no long luk. redi for pubish.

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><p>REVIW IF YOU LIEK MAH DTORY. I WANA WRITE A SERIE OF LEFLES BE DA ONLY HERO. CHTPA 2 CUMIN UP SOON.<p> 


	2. Book 1: Chapter 2

CH 2

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><p>AU: H8trs get da fuuuu outa mah stori.<p>

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><p>leglos is badass. he hot. he awsum. he da shot aro to deh orcis wit da sped ! he da prince of mirkwud.<p>

omgomgog legoles go to da mtns of ice cus he wlk liek a OP (AN: if u dunt no hat a OP es get da fud outa here) he walk to da mtns nd ned to climb cuus da bad birdies watchin he.

legoles awsum climber. he da best. elfies dunt frez to x_x on icy wheter. he climb nd climb and clibm !

wen he resh to da top of da mtn he her da voc. dem voc of dat whit berd dud in da tower. badn dued (not gandlef u werd ppl)

bad dued go say vry bad words ad ice fel on legoil.

LEGOSDES STRONG. ICE NUTHIN. he brok free

he wlkin to da cave thingy cus open lands bad for lefogfos

cus legos noe da efl lang he sed frend an go insid but kil monste b4 gon to da cave.

cave ded ppl but legos dunt car. HE DA BESTTTTTTT

he wlkim thre de cave and fynd teh rm of ded derf princy dud. hee fuund dah buk (AN: yeh de buk gendef red in da movi)

he red to de end and noe he ned togoto teh oter side

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gobbins bad ppl. leglosd kil da flam monstr dued thingy to.

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legolse lev da cave (AN: gendef didnt di in dis on u mfrs)

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legos go da zzzzzzzzzzzz

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><p>reviw nd hop u liek mah stori<p> 


	3. Book 1: Chapter 3

CH. 3

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><p><em>AN: HATRS GONA H8 IF YA H8 MMAH STOOROI STOP BEIN MEEN<em>

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><p><span>Leglso iz so badas. omgomgomg w his blond har nd dos supah green eys. hiss blond hhar iz sooooo looooooooooong. u can put ya hand thru it. he so muskooller cus hhe a princ and noes arshiri nnd figt stuff. (AN: haha finnelly i use da peereeods) da orkies dieieiieieie when legos haz his bow IN FRONT OF HIM !

leos go to da forest cus he ned da treess to hid in. Tho dis forest is deefeererent cus tere are de other elfs. Legols father tel him bout da other elfys outsid da (AN: btw legols horse ded or runn aawa when legoos dus ...ahem... see B4 stuf) ((do ya liek mah linne sstuf?)) keengdum. he walkin and kil da spideys and evil bares.

WHO DA FUK ARE U ? sed da big elv

MMAH NAMME IS DA LEGOSES sed legosloes

DA KEEN ANND KEENG WANNNA SEE YA ! ! ( G)

K sed legos.

legos and da other elv go to da tree keenndum.

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><p>! W8 FER MAH NXT CH !<p> 


	4. Book 1: Chapter 4

CHAPTA 4

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><p>AN: THISISHOPE,YOU ARE MAH BUDDEH. EV1NE ELSE IS BADDDDD.I WORKED HARD FO DA SOTRIE!<p>

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><p>Legols go wit da oter elfie dud. He walk thru da forest. Da forest waz scarie.<p>

"OMGOMGOMG ther da...SPIDEYS!" cryd da eldie dud making legos go to da citie FORESTTT.

"NP" sed l;egosd.

legosls tak da bow outa his back and shot da...SPIDEYS! (AN:LEGIOSDL IS SOOOOOOO HOYTTTTTTT OMGOMOOGN)

da speidyes cryd cus legos kild dem ALLLLLLLLLLL,.

(AN: Legos hore is bakkk. forget da ded horse in b4 chpters)

LEGOS SEE ARGROKM!

"wassup." sed legos.

"WHATAATAATTATATATATTATTATTATTATATATATTAA" shoutd Arargon.

"W-A-S-U-O-P!" shouit legoses!

"OH. YO MAH FREND DA ELGOS, PRINCE OF DA MERKWUD."

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><p>dey ran acrox da feild and huged eachother (AN:da forest is now a feild and citie is undergund)<p>

orcie saw da 3 peeps.

ork shot ...

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ARGOTMR..

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NAWWWWWWWWWW

LEGOLOS CRYD...

"FOK U ORCKEISDS!" shutd LEGOs.

Legolos shot da ork. Ork ded naww. (AN: I KILED ARGORM. FOK OFF H8TRS)

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IT IS A SAD DEY FO DA TOO ELFYS.


	5. Book 1: Chapter 5

ch.5

Legols is very sad. Argagon just dyd. He kil da orkies but da orkies still kiled his frend. Wahhhh.

leogs walk wit da oter elfie and go thru da forest.

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more spideys kiled

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argron waz buried.

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THERE IS DA LETER ON ARGON

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.legos red da letter

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GANDLF DED TOO ? OMGOMGOMGOMG

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legos go to da zzzzzzzzzzzz

tommorow he get to da citie.


	6. Book 1: Chapter 6

Ch 6

AN: wtf dese rewvews. I am sobr ty vry much. ppl talking about wha joke ? I tried vry hrd. :'(

Wooooooh ch 6 ! I am hapy sum ppl liek dis story. bk to DA STORY

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><p>Legolsa llookd at da letr agayn.<p>

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><p><em>deerer legolslegols<em>

_da oriies got to da mtns. idk if ya went there but gandlf Ned go to da citie wit wite walz. (AN: I forget da citi n 3rd movi) Gandal ded. Baaaaaloooor kild him. DDont wory. He will com bak wit mohr pwrs and whit harrr._

_elelorond_

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><p>Leglos not hapy. He smash pper<p>

He walk wit da otr elf and FINALI make it to DA citi. It was preti. Glory all blu and whit buldingzin DA treeees. Dam trees so taaaaaaaaal. Leglos wana met da preti elf ledies and maibee spend a nite wit dem Leglos is so hot and dey will want him. Married or not.

Leglos ty da elfi did rite next to him. Ten he go to met da qween nd keeng.

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.stars soooo long. Walk wlk wlk

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Leglos get to da top.

DA elf qween so hot. Leglos finkin about spending a nite wit her. Galdryell start to blushz.

She thinks I hot ? Leglos thinks.

Evr1 not leglos leave. sed elf qween

Evr1 did.

Dey start to kiss.

Took of al clofs.

Puts ding in her dong.

Oooh scream qwen.

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Evr1 cum bak to da room. Keen supah angri cus Leglos bang his wif

Kk Leglos u haz da ring. Where is evr1 ? sed keen.

I came by myself. Tho...Aragrn and Gandlf ded. sed Leglos.

dammit sed keen.

u may rest here fo 2 nite sed keen.

k sed Leglos.

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Leglos rest fo da nite.


	7. Book 1: Chapter 7

Ch 7.

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><p>AN: cus aragrn ded da next ch will be bout DA future of DA white city wit whit walls in DA 3rd movi.<p>

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><p>.<p>

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Leglos waky up to find dagr hiz throht. he immedly grab his bow and shoot da bad asasasasain. Asasasasin screm cus he haz a aro in his legy. Leglos puls da cloke off da asasasasin and go in to ask sum kwestshuns

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Who da fok are u ? sed Legloses

I am da assasin dat shud have kild ya.

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Duhh. sed leglos. he rold his eies. Who sentteeded ya ?

Da keen. No lieky dat u bang hiz wifey. Supah madzz. sed asasasassin.

Ohh. sed u betcha go n leev da citi or tel da keen u fail.

I tink Ieev da citi cus keen will cut mah throht. sed asasasasin.

I betcha see da keen sed leglos.

Bye bye. sed asasasin.

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	8. Book 1: Chapter 8

Ch 8

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><p>Lrg go go tlk to da keen. Okie dokie he bang his wife. What was hr name agane? aniways he wlk to da thrne room.<p>

Open seseseame! da bigg doorz open.

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Insidey was da keen and kween. Da kween weenk leglos.

Da keen was like WTF U SHUD B DED.

Leglosss give him da finger.

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DA very joffry liek keentink da leglos spat n hiz fayc. (AN: Hha GOT rfrnc)

have diz stoopid elfie get arested!

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da gards start grabs him but leglos supah man.

he pwnd al duds.

Sosie ppl (AN:btw sosie meens sory in leglos speek) ima go. I haz DA riiiiing amd u nedz let me go. showtd Leglos.

Fine spat DA keen. I dont wana see yo fayc again tho.

cant. promic. leglos sed and wlk out.

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Bye bye citi but keen so meen.


	9. Book 1: Chapter 9

Ch 9

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><p>Leglos wlkin on foot now. Dey stoopid elfys shot hiz hore wen he tryd to leev.<p>

Fok dey stouououououououpid elvfies. Leglos showtd. Naw he Ned to steel anuffer 1. .

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ORKIES

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.is that dat bblak hahar hobit orkies ?Wtf he do in wit DA orkies ?

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Dat blak har hobit haz smiley.

HE MUST BE EVIL!

Find da leglos. He haz DA ring !l! sed naw evil hobit.

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Leglos go round them and runs


	10. Book 1: Chapter 10

Ch 10

AN: IMA so happie sum1 made omaccu for maah. Readz in comentz.

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><p>Leglos wlkin thru da plains.<p>

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He eat n sleep

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.wlk wlk

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HORSIES!


	11. Book 1: Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer: **_This is a terrible fan fiction. Obviously, I am not Tolkien. I don't own the characters no matter how OOC they were.

_Author's Note: So sorry to pull your heartstrings... this was a trollfic. It was an experiment, and I found if you write a good story, you will get less reviews than someone who wrote a terrible one. Ever heard of Rebecca Black ? Same phenomena. Comments were hilarious by the way. AlexAmericus made a commentary of this story, so check that out._

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><p><span>Chapter 11: Kill the Wabbit<span>

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><p>Legolas was running in the plains of Rohan. The elf was not the brightest crayon in the box, and yet somehow he kept the ring and survived for a long time. Perhaps, the elf of Mirkwood was a lunatic. No, rather he fell into the deep chasm of lunacy a very long time ago, and brought the fellowship down with him. In this sad and diseased alternate universe, there was no Fellowship of the ring, and the future King of Gondor was dead. Middle Earth was in pieces, and it was a peculiar elf at the center of this début.<p>

The Riders of Rohan were very near, and the very stupid elf was not careful. The scouts easily spot the elf a day earlier. Riding on ahead, they would figure out why he was alone, and what made him to their lands of all places.

"Who goes there?" hollered Éomer.

Legolas stopped. The Rohirrim encircled him.

"My name is Legolas." slurred Legolas. He was drinking some concoction that made him delirious such as a man who drank too much rum.

"You are a little far from home, nay ?" Éomer inquired. The Rohirrim laughed. Some whistled at the elf under influence.

"Yes siree." Legolas collapsed.

"My best shot, this elf entered our lands under treason. End him." Éomer turned towards a weathered archer.

"What...?" Legolas panicked.

The archer took his arrow, and placed it in his bow. He pulled back on the bow and hit home.

Legolas coughed blood all over himself. He looked down to his breast, noting his heart pierced. So much pain and so much blood...

"Goodbye daddy..." Legolas used his last breath.

Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood was dead.

Something caught the eye of Éomer. He saw something glinting within the bracer of the deceased elf. He got off his horse and walked to Legolas's body. Within the bracer was the ring.

The ring spoke to Éomer, and soon it would be in the hands of Sauron. All is lost.

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><p>The End<p>

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><p>Gawd, that was horrible. Glad that is over. I am going back to my Harry Potter fanfic now...<p> 


	12. Bonus: Transition

Extra:

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><p>"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Gandalf held the great beast at bay. He stabbed his stave into the ground.<p>

Unfortunately, the Balrog decided to kill Gandalf and snack on Aragorn. Only a certain blonde elf, and very stupid at that, was able to carry the ring. Too bad the elf dropped the ring into the chasm.

"Oh...we're screwed." Legolas (aka Leglos) cursed in Sindarin.

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><p>That fanfic of my fanfic was funny. Decided to add that. If you want to see the original comment, it is under the guest posting by <em>Garlic and Bread<em>.


	13. Book 2: Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Do I really need to do this? It's on this website for a reason. In future chapters, there will be no disclaimer since it is already implied._

_Author's Note: I am continuing the series where Legolas is sent back to Middle Earth to retrieve the ring, and will continue on his journey I will not shy away from the use of OOC, bad story writing, noncanonical additions, and complete ignorance of Tolkien's universe. The story has fallen too far into the chasm, but it's totally not cool for it to just sit. Sorry, but not so sorry. We shall see... *cold chuckle and rubs hands in anticipation*_

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><p><span>Chapter 12: An Atypical Hangover<span>

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><p>He flickered his eyes open. Bright lights and fog dotted his vision, until it cleared up. Where was he? It was like standing in a place where the color has gone from the world, and all the plains were endlessly white, but not of snow or coldness. The sky was cloudy, and fog had covered every inch of the land. In the distance, he saw the dancing of swarming white orbs. He did not feel the white grass nor the fog envelop him. How did he wake up in a place like this?<p>

It then hit him, and he relived his death- supposedly. The arrows notched towards him, and the Rohirrim laughing at his state. If only he did not take the extra bottle from the waitress- the spirits was specially imported from the dwarves and their craftsmanship that could even make an elf drunk. He won't lie, he was drunk throughout the entire journey from Rivendell to the plains of Rohan. The oily aftertaste was still on his tongue. If he died, then why did he still taste, or see? The hangover was not the only cause for his headache. Legolas groaned at the throbbing pain in his head and clutched at his hair in hopes that the pain would lessen. Someone must have carried him to this strange and distant land, or he is indeed dead in a place not discussed in the stories of old.

Violet, bright orbs suddenly swarmed in circles in front of Legolas. A visage of some humanoid had appeared through the center of the dancing orbs. It was as if the orbs were like fairies in a fairy circle. The apparition turned into the embodiment of very beautiful curves and red robes. It was a tall woman. A human, but the woman had walked tall and powerful as if she was an enchantress. She looked human, but she carried a graceful appearance as an immortal elf would. Her black curls curtained her hair and was complimenting to her heart-shaped face. She wore a golden circlet and in the middle was a giant red gemstone that emblazoned with red light.

"..Who are you?" Legolas forced himself to speak in his native tongue. While he could just stare at the woman's form, but he had another matter to attend to.

"I have many names and a variety of followers. Your world knows none of me. I am the goddess, Kiara." The woman smiled. Apparently, she knew his elvish tongue. "You did die, Legolas. I brought you back because you must complete a task, or Middle Earth will be shackled by Sauron. He cannot win this fight."

"The ring." Legolas muttered.

"Yes, you must retrieve the ring from Éomer, the one who slain you. Then, you must continue on your journey to the fires of Mount Doom and cast it into the flames. The great evil cannot be."

"Very well." Legolas replied." But, how do you know if I will succeed when I failed in my first chance?"

"You will be prepared. Sleep now, for you will wake in the plains of the Rohan." Kiara's circlet had gleamed even brighter than before.

Suddenly, Legolas could not bear to hold his own weight, nor his eyes. He fell into oblivion.

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><p><em>Author's Note: Too many Mary Sues, and not enough Gary Stus in the Middle Earth universe. Let's add one, <em>okie dokie_? Sorry, Tolkein, I know you are rolling in your grave right now. _


	14. Book 2: Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Don't worry, I have plans up my sleeves. Stick around if you dare. I am playing a game with no rules._

Chapter 13: Intoxication

No misty weirdness, nor that crazy goddess or the headache. Legolas felt fresh and new, and just... different.

He was not under a syndrome of beer goggles for the first time since many moons ago. There was no urge to intoxicate himself. How many maids did he knock up already as a drunk? Too many to count. He looked at his hands, trembling at this new discovery. It is a wonder his father did not disown him already. The great elven king, with a son stuck in the teenage stage of his life. Legolas could introspect on his life, seeing how lame it was. How supposedly his reputation was not heard of? It should have been brought to the ears of at least Rivendell. Why did they entrust him with his ring? He was clearly drunk! Finally sober, he questioned the great leaders of Middle Earth. They were supposed to stop the Great Eye? Great work!

He was thrown into the fields, and during night at that! His equipment is long gone. Those cheesy bastards, horsemen blokes! How dare they treat an intoxicated elf like scum! He will get that ring back one way or the other. Éomer would pay with his life, and Legolas would personally let the arrow sink into his flabby chest, just as the arrogant prick had with his trusty archer. Pfft!

Purpose.

He had to do the goddess's wishes or he shall lose his youthfulness and become some ghostly creature. No thanks! He's an elf, not some petty human, or an unlucky Aragorn. Speaking of that Númenor -Aragorn... He's in a better place now. What a waste of great potential. He could have united Middle Earth and become one of the greatest kings Gondor has ever seen, but no, he just had to die right in front of Legolas. Legolas felt scammed, even if he feels like death doesn't suit his 'handsomeness', Aragorn was the more obvious candidate. Well, as the mortals say, "Life isn't simply fair."

He stood up and realized the arrow was still submerged into his chest. Weird. It doesn't even hurt. Legolas pulled out the arrow from his chest, by first snapping the arrow head out, then sliding it out of his wound. It _still_ didn't hurt, which made little sense. Elves still feel pain and die-even if they can linger for eternity if careful.

The wound closed up! What?

Legolas was agaping at the wound. This...this..defies the laws of the living! What did this goddess do to him? He felt thirsty. Very thirsty. The crimson, velvety, sloshy liquid was begging for him to become one. He desired-no, he absolutely and irrefutably needed this liquid to function.

He lingered. Walking a many far, until he reached a forest. Perhaps this drink shall be found there. He couldn't function without it. He was in love, or he would perish. Where is this drink? So delightful, relishing, satisfying, erotic. _Erotic? _Legolas had a brief lapse in questioning his cognition, before the desire had once again consumed his thoughts. The feral animal came out to play. He smelled it. Many locations were hiding this liquid. He followed the lingering smell like flies to light. He needed it. He would revere it. Worship it. It had to be one with him, or he would die. _Death_ would be a welcome sight if he could not find it.

There upon him was a well of this liquid. It was so beautiful. He was the cat and the reservoir was the mice. It was all his or the taking, and he would grasp for it for all his life-or-whatever-state-he-is-in. Definitely better than bedding the prettiest elven maiden in all of Middle Earth.

He plunged.


	15. Book 2: Chapter 3

Author's Note: Yes, yes, I pulled a Edward on you guys. Once the pieces are set up, you can see the aftermath. Hahahahaha!

Chapter 14: Got a Stag?

It was stiff as an oak plank, and cold as the relentless ocean.

Legolas had awaken to something unexpected. Lifeless. So beautiful, and completely marred; blood everywhere, and it was all he had known in his hunger. In all its glory, the majestic white stag had fallen to the great abomination. _He_ was an abomination.

There were no stories of such a creature that could satiate its hunger on solely blood, but Legolas was the exception. It infuriated him, that the price of his return to Middle Earth was as a creature of blood and sadistic desires. No, it not only infuriated the blonde elf, but also caused a new emotion.

Fear.

Legolas was drunk for a reason; he wanted to stay drunk to baggage away his fear, and his introspection of what his duties as a prince became. He was a fool, and made it worse by being drunk. Once too late, he already had the addiction. Blood was his new infatuation, and he would die if not replenished.

What had he become?

Legolas may have lived for centuries, but he was clearly no better than an elf or man. If this was a curse, he deserved it. He would pay for his past transgressions by saving Middle Earth. The cost would be isolation for eternity. Would he feel more strongly about consuming the blood of Goblins? Humans? Elves?

Who was he now?

The Goddess stated he would be with weapons to retrieve and destroy the ring; what other abilities and curses did he have- except for blood-lust and regeneration? He would find his boundaries in due time, whilst saving the people he had already failed numerous times.

When would he next hunger?

Legolas had moved aside the half-eaten stag, and gotten up. He had spawned within the fields of Rohan and ended up in woodlands. He felt no hunger, which was confusing for an elf or man needed meals thrice a day. He would get used to this new biological clock. It was close to sunrise, and soon Legolas could walk in the daylight once again. It was odd; he felt completely accustomed to the darkness, and seen more mightier than with his elvish eyes. As a a new type of species, it was apparent he now could add night-vision to his odd list of abilities. It was like he was a very powerful Orc, but not bound by the Dark King.

The sun had started to rise, and Legolas felt ever weaker. It alarmed him greatly. Perhaps he cannot bask in the sunlight as once of the living. It would be sensible to be a creature of the night. Legolas quickly put his cloak on, and searched for a cavern.

First light had set.

Legolas could walk in the light, and feel fine-only with a cloak. If the light skimmed upon his hands, then he would feel immense pain. The sun was scalding him as if his hands were submerged within very hot water.

He was burning.

Legolas felt very hot within his cloak, but it kept him alive. He had been walking for a great distance, and had rested by a lake shrouded by trees. It was all shadow, and not a speck of sun hit the blonde-elf. He peered into the lake, and washed all the blood that had penetrated him. His clothes were more ruined than ever. Fit for a warrior, and especially an abomination. A monster.

His reflection had changed.

His hair and face were the same, except for his eyes. They were not a proud emerald, but a deep onyx. His skin, if already pale, was even more. The points on his ears were no more. He looked like a peredhel with the uncharacteristic ears and eyes too dark. The eyes belonged to the shadows of Mordor.

Legolas found a clearing, and it clearly led back to the plains. He needed to find the city, and kill Éomer. Hopefully, in the reverse order. He walked, shrouded within thick, wet-now drying cloth and under the unknown bounds of his new needs. When would he need his next meal? Can he simply store blood within a canteen? Next meal, he shall see. Hopefully, the Goddess knew what she was doing, for Legolas was lost. His mind blurred as he trudged in his journey, looking for signs of the bastards and their city. The ring was his duty, and he didn't need a jackass like Éomer messing up his plans. Aragorn had to die for a reason.

They would pay.


	16. Book 2: Chapter 4

Chapter 15: My Destiny

The scarlet perfume had coveted his senses.

Legolas had been walking in the plains for days. He failed to find the city, for his memories were always cloudy. As a predator of night, he traveled at night. He could see well, but as it was far different than as his days of the wood, he was clueless on where he would go.

This thick blanket of the succinct wine enriched his senses, and he stalked it, curious, on why this particular scent was thicker than usual. There, upon a clearing of trees, was where the answer lies. Legolas flocked to the site immediately.

Many corpses, orc and human alike had littered all over the field. The tide of the battle favored for the Humans, and yet the winning side lost its leader. Intuition was the knife in the dark, and he jab at the thick ebony air for a while, before he could see the truth. There was a cry in the dark. It was not of grief, but pure unadulterated pain. He could not keep away, and followed the holler. He maintained his self control to only follow, not hunt for the slowly dying creature. Ah, the heartbeat was his light, and he the moth that flocked to it.

"Please.." The creature was undeniably human.

"Yes?" Legolas kept a distance, or his blood-lust would consume him, again.

"Kill me!" The voice was desperate.

"Oh, I will. However, I need something from you in return." Legolas's baritone voice rang out. The dying man cowered.

"Please... ask quickly, sire. The..p-pain is un-bb-bearable." So, he was choking on his own blood.

"Where is," Legolas crouched over the man's dying form. Cerulean stared into Coal. "Éomer!" Legolas snarled at the fool's name while fisting the man's tunic.

"In the.. city. The King b-banished him, but h-he lingers in the taverns, p-p-plotting his move."

Legolas let go of the man's drenched tunic.

"Thank You."

Legolas barred his teeth. He was a creature of the night, and denying himself a snack-that was nearly impossible. He lunged at the jugular vein. A squeak left the man's lips before scarlet had turned to eternal sleep. He was dead, sparred of the agony of his dismembered arm.

Legolas wiped his mouth on his bracer, and started trudging forward to the great city of these barbaric plains.

Their King had gone mad, to put aside his nephew, but Legolas did not care for those matters. That damn goddess may have him lingering in eternity of neither living nor dead, but Legolas would not simply follow all the whims of her. He was back in Middle Earth, and his fate was his to decide. Destroying the ring was a goal to wipe his name of tarnish. Now free from the chains of alcohol, he was now under the chains as a monster. He made his decision, picking the lesser of two evils, one where he had a sharp mind.

"Éomer is mine!" He roared.

Legolas's eyes turned into a deep shade of crimson. Pure hatred, and he knew how to end the agony of days sharpening that knife. No, this was no man. He deserved two picks by his neck. It would be a very slow, agonizing death. The ring would would be his to destroy.

After that ring, Legolas would chart his own destiny. _His fate._


	17. Book 2: Chapter 5

_Author's Note: I look at the traffic statistics of this story, and it seems 90% never make it pass the first chapter... Trololololol!_

Chapter 16: They Came From The Earth

The grasslands were everlasting, and game was more precious than ever. Only motivation would be the sole reason of survival in the brutal landscape. Legolas did not need nutrition as any elf, human or dwarf. He was a seeker of blood; supernatural.

Slowly, he understand and attuned to his new-found skills and abilities. He had no use to call himself a horse-thief. He could outrun the wildest of game, and his endurance was more than of his days when he was an elf. He covered distances twice than of an able-bodied man, but had to keep pace with finding food.

Legolas found that storage of blood was only a pipe-dream, and rotted blood was no thing of delight. He felt more hunger when he consumed stale blood. He disliked the overwhelming smell of metal and something akin to spoiled fish. Only fresh blood would do, which slowed him down to the pace of an unfit man.

Trudging through the wild alone, he could introspect.

A lot.

During the lessons of Rohirrim, Legolas was intoxicated from the finest elvish wine. His teacher held low standards, and 'pretended' Legolas learned with material well as any respectable prince would.

How very wrong his teacher's methods were. Now, Legolas suffered the actions of his spoiled behavior, and the irresponsible actions of his circle.

How again, did Rivendell trust a slurring elf to destroy the ring?

_Snap._

Legolas etched his head towards the sound. He saw grey-toned humanoids in many numbers. We're these of the elves from the deep darkness in Underdark? What were they doing, trespassing in the lands on the sun elves?

They were coming in the direction of Legolas. He had to hide, and find out who these humanoids were.

"I bet they are delicious too." Legolas licked his lips.

He was in the middle of the hills, and he had little of his surroundings to work as camouflage. There were only two boulders near him, but not enough to hide from a large army. Did they have scouts?

Then, he remembered the material of his cloak. It was elvish, even if it was scummy with his previous traveling and dinners. He could create a cover of fabricated rock, and see through until the army passed.

Then, he would hunt them slowly if attractive as a meal.

Legolas lay next to a boulder, and proceeded to cover his appendages with the thin elvish cloak. The material had taken the appearance of another boulder, and any passerby would have assumed it to be another aspect of the wild hills.

The army had grown near. They were chanting loudly, and clanging on their shields with crudely made machetes. These were no men, but Legolas was correct on the assumption they were from the earth.

"High-hoh! High-hoh" They chanted.

The leader of the parade hollered dark words, and Legolas knew immediately where the army came from.

"_Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, __ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum ishi krimpatul."_

Orc have trespassed the Rohirrim hills.


	18. Book 2: Chapter 6

_Author's Note: I decided to add a poem here. This story is fun, as in, I feel free and unrestricted from the demanding masses of hungry fanfiction readers. As you do, I as well feel mixed about the grand story of 'Leglos.' This story is far, far away from traditional, and I am not afraid of crossing the line. Of course, if you made it this far, I congratulate your determination. If you wish, review! The reviews are the best drug for the writer. It gives us some inspiration to keep going._

* * *

><p><span><em>The Battle of a Lone Field<em>

The cries of Orc are no longer yonder,

Anticipated, I smack my lips to the desire, just waiting a little longer.

The color of deep liquid coal shall drip wild in this night,

Soon to be revealed, they shall know my bite.

It is not the bitterness of their wine that drives me,

I have long forgotten any lingering wants for the sea,

I want to cleanse my soul, and revel in victory.

Only the victims of the eye and hickory shall witness,

the plunge from the jagged boulders is my mark.

.

Indeed, I fly into the masses,

the only warnings of my ambush were of the gurgling and gaspses.

Slashes, Pierces, and Cries had broken the spell of a silent night,

My fangs and growls had roared, and any witness sought to see I, as a twisted light,

My prey's last sight was a flicker of me,

Before I ended their life, as it should have been.

Thousands upon thousands could not catch the guerilla,

For their leaders were struck, and their commands as far as Silla,

Panic was their only comfort before the permanent sleep.

As I took what was mine, more than a simple reap,

After all, the goddess had made it only my right.

.

The next morning, the sky bled, but wept not for the abominations,

Their carcasses littered the wide field, and they could never end the free nations,

My work is complete for the night, and I am, and never will be sorry.

One monster that took down an army.

Yet, I am far over from the resolution of my journey.


End file.
